Agony Aunt Series

Agony Aunt Series – I Gave My All For Him To Travel To Canada, Now He’s Ignoring Me

Relationships can be stressful, I mean, half the time. But long-distance relationships?

That one is just so very tricky.

This story is from a lady (Name withheld) here in Nigeria in a long-distance relationship with a guy in Canada. Living with the fear that her ‘boyfriend’ is slowly leaving her!

Here’s her story:

Dear Agony Aunt,

I’m writing from a place of fear and confusion. I have been with my boyfriend for three months before he left for Canada. Things were absolutely amazing when he was here (at least when I could see him and all). Since he left for Canada, everything started to die down. we text less and call more and sometimes he only calls me when I’ve tried texting him all day with no reply. I don’t know if I should go on. I am a pretty babe and I have lots of guys asking me out. But He’s the one I want.

Sometimes I feel I’m only holding on because we’ve invested so much in this relationship. I helped make his travelling possible and now he hardly calls me or text me. He has literally changed. I am scared and unhappy. Sometimes I imagine the worse. I don’t know what to do. Please advise

Hmmm, I will try and give my best advice on this, however, you can drop one or two concerns to help

That said,…

I was recently reading the book ‘The Art Of Thinking Clearly’ and hearing your story just reminded me of a chapter of that book. It came with a story which I’ll quickly share:

So Bola and Emeka are lovers and they thought of what to do over the weekend. Bola quickly suggests they go see a movie and Emeka agrees. They went to the movies. Five minutes into the movie, they both realised how stupid and unworthy of the N1500 they paid.

Emeka quickly says, ‘Babe, let’s go joh… This film na nonsense’ Bola looks at him and rolls her eyes saying ‘After we paid 1k5? No way!

Quick question: Will sitting through the movie give them their money back? Or perhaps, the movie may just turn out good before it ends. The first is impossible but the second has a 50% chance of happening.

My Honest Advice

Dear Friend

Yes, you may have invested a lot in that relationship and it may feel terrible if you gave up now. Honestly, it’s not going to be the end of the world. So just like Bola and Emeka, you can either sit through the relationship until you’re certain it’s over or, you can forget about him and move on with your life. Better days ahead.

Just keep in mind that all that you have invested can not be recovered. It’s the cold truth, but it should be a guide for you moving forward.

I hope I have been helpful.

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19 thoughts on “Agony Aunt Series – I Gave My All For Him To Travel To Canada, Now He’s Ignoring Me

  1. This is a case of lack of understanding.

    The guy might be unemployed when he’s in Nigeria hence he’s giving her all the necessary attention. Now, he’s in Canada to hustle, you expected him to have that time for unnecessary chats??
    Your constant calls and texts might spoil show for him over there.
    Stop worrying over nothing, the heart already knows where it belong.
    Just keep praying for him. It’s well.

  2. You people have really come a long way by sacrificing a lot to keep the relationship going, but understand that not all RELATIONSHIPS LEAD TO MARRIAGE. Relax and give him more time to settle down. Probably he hasn’t settled down in Canada. I want you to call him again in the next couple of months, pour out your mind to him, tell him your fears, from his response you will know the next step to take. If he doesn’t say anything meaningful, my sister just know that your guy has gotten himself another bae. It is said that a bird at hand is worth more in the bush, you can condition your mind to love and settle down with any of the available guys whom you know cherishes you.

  3. she should not give up easily ..
    I think she should just take the relationship as open CU’s the guy didn’t promise to marry her.just 3month is never enough to knw someone.

    if i want to get in a relationship I must be closely reading you like a book before I say hi.

    I think she is just missing the guy so much.

    it shall be well with her.

    @grabhisballs how are you ?come n advice ya Sister o.

  4. I think you need to ask around and hear from those who are in a long distance relationship, how they were able to manage their relationship,because distance relationship I know always comes with many calm and learn OK..wish u well

    1. there some guys even wen opportunity open face for dem in greener pastures abroad dem go refuse d opportunity cos dem don already get a serious girlfriend for home wey dem wan marrycheesy. Sometimes ehn in situations like this its better u just single if u have aspirations in moving abroad so dat wen d opportunity present itself u just easily jakpa out of d country without fearing about leaving a girlfriend.

  5. Madam abeg move on… U expect me to be in Canada nd still av ur time with d excess foreign clean girls i see dere U must be a big time joker.

    A whole canada

  6. What does she mean by giving her all to him, we all know that statement is used by a naija girl when referring to how she has been satisfying the guy sexually and contributing nothing meaningful to the relationship with expecting cash as a reward. The guy has simply moved on, he has seen that to love a naija girl is like pouring water into a basket, all they would be saying is I did everything for him, I loved him, I gave my all to him but tell them to point out one thing they did for him they will start stammering and use he slept with me to cover up.

  7. Hm long distance relationship can be stressful oo and its even more stressful if u travelling overseas for further education or for hussling things. Its much better u single if u making plans to travel overseas cos it wont be easy leaving a girlfriend here for greener pastures. Even married couples struggle wen it comes to long distance not to mention ordinary boyfriend and girlfriend.

  8. Dude just got there and is obviously struggling right now so she should take a chill pill. Also, the difference in timezones can also frustrate them.
    I keep advising women to get busy, life does not revolve around love and relationships.
    Allow the young man time and space to secure a good future for the both of you.

  9. Just for 3 months and u’v given huge fnancial support to a naija guy to travel out…?

    You are not serious…wot du u expect…?

  10. Comment: this is fake story just as most CNN news are fake news! angry

    Backup Reason:
    No Nigerian lady will ever willingly doll out huge money to finance or fund a boyfriend’s trip abroad or business. The only few of them that can do it will only do it after you have legally married them and probably had babies for you.

    Again, no Nigerian lady spend money on a boyfriend within the first 2 years they met.

    Verdict: this is rooster and bull story that only happened in the op’s daydream lipsrsealed

    1. ehn did she say she funded the guy’s trip overseas? i thought she said she only invested her emotions in d relazionship and is scared dat the guy might break up with her wen he lands dere.

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